I wish I'd said that...

This is a collection of some of my favourite quotes. How many of us have wished for something witty to say in the right situation?

"Politics is a form of religion; it's the worship of jackals by jackasses." - H.L. Mencken

"He's a self-made man, and he worships his creator." - Sir Winston Churchill, commenting on a fellow MP.

"He's a modest little man, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill, on Clement Atlee, another fellow MP.

"A sheep in sheep's clothing." - Winston Churchill, on Clement Atlee.

"I can tell the honourable member disagrees; I can hear him shaking his head." - Former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau.

"Thinking is one of the hardest occupations there is...which is the probable reason that so few engage in it." - Henry Ford.

"If Gladstone were to fall into the Thames, that would be a calamity. If someone were to pull him out, that would be a catastrophe." - Benjamin Disraeli, taking a shot at a fellow MP when asked the difference between catastrophe and calamity.

"It's not that I'm so brilliant, it's the moronic state of everyone else." - Anonymous.

"You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long." - Boris Yeltsin

"The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." - Cornelius Tacitus

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it." - P.J. O'Rourke

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein

"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell". - Brian Clark

"Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, Nature immediately comes up with a better mouse." - James Carswell

"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." - Joseph Campbell

"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing." - Dick Brandon

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth". - Niels Bohr, physicist.

"I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated." - Poul Anderson

"Before I speak, I have something important to say." - Groucho Marx

"Advice: It's more fun to give than receive." - Malcom Forbes

"The trouble with experience is that by the time you have it, you're too old to take advantage of it." - Jimmy Connors

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit still." - Will Rogers

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain

"Knowing others is Wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment". -LaoTzu

"Why is Television called a 'medium'? Because it is neither rare, nor well-done." - Author Unknown

Getting the last word....

Earl of Sandwich: "Egads, sir; I do not know if you will die on the gallows or of the pox."

John Wilkes:"That will depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles, or your mistress."

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SkyKnight, The KnightWorks, and The Bubblegum Zone are ©1995-2002 Bert Van Vliet. Please feel free to email all comments or contributions to Bert Van Vliet. Page last updated on January 7th, 2002 [KnightWorks Logo]